No, ‘DINK’ couples don’t regret not having children

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It’s a phrase DINK—double income, no kids—households hear regularly from colleagues, family members, friends and even strangers when they say the don’t have (or want) children.

Yet the couples choosing not to have offspring are a growing minority. The proportion of married couples in the U.S. deciding to have children has more than halved since the 1960s, according to the most recent data from the U.S. Population Reference Bureau.

There are a number of financial and societal impacts that come with not having kids, DINK couples told Fortune, and although there are both negatives and drawbacks to that decision—none of them regret their choice.

Finding their way to the positive side of their decision, however, is not always easy.

The ‘judgement’

Jay Zigmont and his wife of 14 years decided not to have children early on for health reasons, a choice the financial advisor said they have never doubted—even though they have been repeatedly questioned and criticized over the years.

It is this “judgement” which Zigmont said had been the most difficult aspect of DINK lifestyle to deal with—he and his wife were unable to marry in her Catholic church because they told their priest they planned not to have children—and it’s only getting worse.

“You’re raised to be a mother, be a father, that’s kind of the culture. I call it the ‘Standard of Life Script’ which is the idea you go to school, get married, have kids, buy a home—that’s just in our culture,” Zigmont said.

“The reality check is that in my belief [child free couples] are a minority that people think it’s still okay to judge and look down upon.”

That negativity has seeped into Zigmont’s professional life, he told Fortune, from subordinates questioning his decision, to career coaches telling him he needed them, through to a supplier stating: “So you hate kids” when Zigmont revealed he did not have any.

Career freedom

Despite the unexpected negative impact the choice has made on the Zigmont’s working life, it has also allowed the couple—and other DINKs—a kind of liberation which may have been impossible otherwise.

The Zigmonts recently moved across the country for Zigmont’s wife to land her dream role, an opportunity they say they never would have taken if they had children in school.

Although the pair have had to navigate some challenges—losing out on holiday time because colleagues had children, or working longer hours because they didn’t have to get home—a child-free life has given the pair the “freedom to pursue [their] passions.”

Likewise for Heather Maclean and her husband Scott Kyrish, the choice not to have children has allowed them to have a ‘rose and gardener’ approach to their careers—the idea that while one person can grow and take risks, the other remains the stable supporter.

In their case, Maclean is writing a book while Kyrish continues to work at family’s transportation company, with the Texas-based couple telling Fortune this is just one of many reasons they have absolutely no regret over their decision.

“I never thought I’d quit my job to try and write a book. It was never something I saw as an option,” Maclean laughed. “But then I took the time to think about what I really wanted to do if I could do anything, and it took a lot of convincing and months of assurances that I could take the time off and afford it, to decide to do it.”

Likewise when Kyrish got promoted to a job an extra hour’s drive away, he was able to accept without hesitation.

Financial upsides

DINK couples say there are also some financial upsides to not having children—though these are vastly overestimated by peers who are parents.

A study carried out by the U.S. Census Bureau, published in 2021, found that women without children had the highest net worth out of peers of both genders with or without children.

Yet their median net worth—$173,800—is followed closely by fathers, who have a median net worth of $161,200. In fact fathers actually had more wealth than men without children, who have a net worth of $132,500, and mothers, who had a median net worth of $109,500, according to the research.

Santa Barbara-based Kyle Elliot and his partner J.V. Vallejos told Fortune one of the “greatest privileges” of being child free is not “constantly” worrying about money, meaning they can go on regular vacations and hold Disneyland Magic Passes.

They also share their hard-earned cash with parents and family members, Elliot said, and invest in their education.

Vallejos explained: “Recently I graduated with a Master of Public Administration from the University of North Dakota. While I was hesitant to apply and worried about not being accepted, I chose to stop thinking about what could happen and instead see what does happen. To me, investing in my education meant I am investing in my future. I believe education is a gateway to achieving the job roles I want.”

Likewise, an adoring uncle and aunt to a host of nieces and nephews, Maclean and Kyrish say they plan to donate most of their money but continually assess if any of their family members truly need financial support.

A different life plan

Although DINK couples are a growing demographic, services catered to their needs are still lagging behind.

Given a lack of support for child-free couples, Zigmont launched a specialized financial advisory firm for his demographic. “It’s a different set of goals. 90% of my clients embrace a die with zero approach, they want to spend and enjoy their money throughout their life, it’s not about passing it on to another generation,” he explained.

“It’s a different life plan, not better or worse. The hard part is that once you’re living a child-free life you have to choose your own path which can be really hard for people. You get your personal, financial goals in place and then what? Parents shift those goals to their kids, we don’t.

“Being child free changes pretty much everything with your financial plan. Retirement is an option for child-free people, not a requirement, buying a house is an option not a requirement, all these things that are core components are no longer the same.”

Zigmont added when he was studying to become a financial advisor, there was “nothing” in the literature about being child free, but that inheritance advice and legislation was prolific.

Not by choice

Of course, not all DINKs are DINKs by choice.

For some of those couples, the assumptions and unwanted advice from other people isn’t just annoying—it’s incredibly painful.

Katy Seppi and her husband were “wrecked” after struggling with infertility and battling through multiple rounds of IVF before they were able to come to terms with the fact they would be childless not by choice.

Those years were the “hardest of my life”, Seppi said, having grown up dreaming of being a mom and planning everything from her job (with good maternity leave and fertility benefits) to her home (in a great school district) to her professional industry (a stable paycheck) in anticipation of having children.

Only after the grief passed were the couple able to “see the possibilities of how [they] could design their lives”, Seppi continued, resulting in moving every two years for the past decade and both launching their own businesses.

“We’ve seen so many places and tried so many things which I know we wouldn’t have done if we’d had children,” Seppi reflected. “Being childless not by choice also gave us the flexibility to pursue passions with work and not have to worry about stability—I don’t think I would’ve been comfortable with us both being entrepreneurs if we had kids.”

Equally difficult has been navigating friendships, relationships and society, Seppi added.

Seppi, who had a hysterectomy aged 35, added. “Especially as a woman when I meet someone new, 70% of the time I know the first question is going to be ‘Do you have kids?’ Then you get the comments of ‘Why don’t you do this?’ ‘Have you tried that?’ and unwanted advice.”

Seppi, who now runs a community for people who are child free not by choice, added the DINK lifestyle is often “glamorized” with many couples struggling with debt incurred from fertility treatment.

Despite that, Seppi says she has no regrets about her choice not to adopt or find a surrogate, adding: “I tried everything—I did more than most people did to have their kids. I had to really go back and do a lot of identity work to discover where I was going to get the love and joy and fulfillment I planned to partially get through being a parent.”