This post was originally published on this site
You’ve seen scary headlines about a loneliness epidemic spreading among seniors. Getting old is bad enough; now you get to worry about how being alone increases your risk of everything from dementia to obesity.
Yet for many retirees, the most gratifying moments occur in isolation. Solo activities such as reading, painting and gardening provide complete contentment.
If you love solitary hobbies, should you abandon them for more social ones? Are loners doomed?
Relax. As long as you’re not a hermit—and you occasionally mix in some social interaction—you’re not on the road to mental and physical ruin.
Not sure where to live in retirement? Check out our Where Should I Retire? column
“Loners have gotten a bad rap,” said Katharine Esty, Ph.D., a retired psychotherapist in Concord, Mass. “There’s nothing bad about doing things alone. It only becomes unhealthy when people become lonely, which is different.”
She describes loneliness as feeling subjectively unhappy with your relationships or lack thereof. Someone who embraces solitude—and keeps busy and stimulated by fulfilling activities—can spend most of their time alone but never experience the distress of loneliness.
“It’s possible to feel lonely even in a room full of people,” said Dr. Louise Hawkley, a principal research scientist with the organization NORC at the University of Chicago. “It’s not the number of friends you have or the amount of time you spend around people. It’s more closely related to the quality of those relationships.”
So here’s the good news: Loners are not destined to suffer strokes, early cognitive impairment or uncontrollable weight gain as long as they maintain a few meaningful relationships. On the other hand, if you go weeks without seeing anyone else, you’re not exactly in tip-top shape.
“Casual relationships in your community are one important level of contact,” said Esty, 87, author of “Eightysomethings.” “It’s those little bits of human connection that really matter, with the pharmacist or waiting in line at the market or just smiling at someone. When we spend time alone, we often forget who we are. The tiniest exchange—or just a brief meeting of the eyes—can change your day.”
If nothing else, fans of solo hobbies may want to initiate occasional calls to old friends or relatives. Lacing your week with a few warm interactions can in itself provide succor.
“Even a five-minute phone conversation can give you a tremendous boost,” Esty said.
Another tip for contented loners is to share their cherished hobby with others. Find an outlet to compare notes with those who love what you love to do. Just basking in their company (online or in person) injects a social component to an otherwise solitary activity.
“If you like knitting, try teaching it to a knitting group,” said Lynn Paxson, owner of Oasis Senior Advisors Delaware, part of a nationwide network that provides help with senior living placement. “You can learn a lot from training other people. It keeps your brain sharp. You get to use executive function skills.”
If you find that you increasingly prefer spending time alone as you age, that’s certainly your prerogative. You’ve earned the right to call your own shots and live life on your terms.
Paxson, a certified senior adviser, suggests asking yourself, “Why am I pulling back from being social?”
“Maybe you’re covering up a health condition like hearing loss,” she said. “One reason that people self-isolate is they want to control the environment around them and keep it small and manageable.”
Alternatively, you may conclude that you’re simply too lethargic to engage in human communication. Becoming a bookworm offers a way to activate your imagination and spend a peaceful afternoon without needing to get dressed and leave the house.
Probing to determine why you’re less interested in socializing can uncover other issues. Perhaps you’re grieving a loss or disoriented by recent changes in your life.
“Your friends may have died and you’re afraid to make new friends,” Paxson said. “That can cause fear and anxiety. It can mean dusting off a skill set that you haven’t used for a while.”
