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Once you reach a certain age—80, maybe 85—it’s tough to look ahead with optimism. You sum up your future in one word: diminishment.
Your senses are dulling. Your energy is flagging. And you’re dealing with an ever-growing list of health ailments.
Not to sound morose, but how are you supposed to find happiness in an increasingly bleak existence?
Even if you’re able to derive pleasure from your favorite hobbies or grandkids—or just savor a good plate of pasta—your overriding anxiety at the prospect of impending decline may snuff out life’s transient joys.
To fight off feelings of despair about advanced aging, adopt a different mind-set. Rather than dwell on your shrinking world or diminished capacity, focus on new discoveries and experiences.
Replace thoughts such as, “As I age, I’ll continue to fall apart” with “As I age, I’ll keep learning,” says Vonetta Dotson, an associate professor of psychology and gerontology at Georgia State University. Feeding yourself a rich diet of positive messages can in itself brighten your outlook.
She cautions seniors to resist what psychologists call “stereotype threat” in which people tend to conform to widespread stereotypes of their group.
“You can internalize negative stereotypes and that becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy,” warned Dotson, who’s also president of CerebroFit, an Atlanta-based brain health and wellness firm. Assuming that you’re doomed to get dementia (“My memory is fading!”) or need oxygen therapy (“I get winded easily!”) leaves you less likely to take proactive steps to avoid such outcomes.
For lifelong pessimists with a fondness for fretting, idle musings about your inevitable decline will only make matters worse. Instead, spring into action so that you’re too busy to lament the bane of getting older.
“Anytime we do something and try new things, it helps to reinforce this feeling of positivity,” Dotson said. “And keep those social connections. When you socialize, your focus is diverted. When you’re by yourself, you may ruminate” about your current and future physical and mental deterioration.
Better yet, learning something new enables your brain to form new pathways. This helps you stave off gloomy thoughts about the aging process.
“By engaging in rewarding and meaningful activities and staying mentally active, we can retrain our brains,” said Kevin Manning, a neuropsychologist and associate professor of psychiatry at UConn Health. “These activities can enhance our self-efficacy, lessen fears of decline and sharpen our cognitive functioning.”
If you’re going to learn a new activity, commit to at least some follow through. After completing a six-week language class or music lessons, for example, keep practicing for 10 minutes a day.
Ongoing repetition and practice at home extends the benefits of taking a course, Manning says. Another smart move: Enroll in the class with a friend so that you spur each other to continue refining your skills or building on what you’ve learned well beyond the formal end of the program.
Ideally, passion drives you to take action. Why sign up for a course on current events or foreign affairs if you find the state of the world dispiriting and you dread consuming the news?
To channel your activity in a more uplifting direction, set short-term goals. If you’re learning a musical instrument, aim to perform a simple piece in one month.
Allison Gibson, an associate professor at University of Kentucky College of Social Work, knows an 87-year-old woman who loves knitting and babies. When she learned she could donate blankets to a local hospital’s nursery, the woman set a goal of knitting 100 of them by the end of 2021.
“She’s well on her way to her goal,” Gibson said. “It gives her motivation not just to knit for herself, but for the babies. When you embrace a purpose that gives you something to do that’s meaningful,” it focuses your efforts and displaces fears of aging.
On a practical level, you can research community resources that might come in handy later. Contact local social services agencies or nonprofits to identify nearby support programs and senior centers—and ask what services they offer.
For example, my local Lions Club International has a free lending library stocked with walkers, wheelchairs and other equipment for seniors. My town’s website lists a host of senior services, including a senior transportation program and a newly opened senior activity center.
“Become aware of different options and various resources available to you so that you can start to make a plan,” Gibson said. That way, you know where to go if you temporarily need a cane or you’re suddenly unable to drive and need a ride.
Let’s end with some reassuring news: Older people tend to possess high levels of resilience. Their ability to display competence during challenging times often outshines younger folks.
“As we age and gain life experience, we generally develop more ‘crisis competence’ and that contributes to a heightened sense of resilience,” said Regina Koepp, a clinical geropsychologist in Atlanta.
If you’re worried about what lies ahead, she suggests asking yourself two questions:
1. When was the last time I persevered through hardship?
2. Am I as confident now that I can withstand what I’m facing (fear of advanced aging and the diminishment it brings) as I was the last time I moved through hardship?
Hopefully, you’ll answer the second question with a resounding yes. If not, you may want to seek a professional therapist.
“There’s sometimes a stigma about seniors getting mental-health care,” said Koepp, founder and director of the Center for Mental Health & Aging. “But older people can and often do really benefit from mental health counseling.”
