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There are two kinds of people: Some smile, shrug and say, “Who knows?” Others panic and exclaim, “No one knows!”
In these uncertain times, let’s hope you’re the former and not the latter.
The ability to accept uncertainty with equanimity matters more than ever lately. With so many unanswered questions swirling around, learning to live with the unknowable requires extra effort.
“When we’re anxious, we get scatterbrained and have difficulty focusing,” said Amelia Aldao, a New York City-based licensed clinical psychologist. “We don’t stay on track. When you manage uncertainty well, you stay on track” and don’t let disruptions derail you.
People who successfully cope with uncertainty not only demonstrate steely focus on the task at hand, but they also draw reasonable conclusions without dithering or wallowing in fear. They are able to make sound judgments based on limited information.
“We gravitate towards having 100% certainty when making decisions,” Aldao said. “With uncertainty, we may try to find the perfect solution and get trapped in a vicious cycle of perfectionism. Then we don’t make decisions at all.”
Repeatedly posing questions that are impossible to answer is not productive. We do not know when normality will return. We do not know how our personal financial situation will shake out. We do not know to what extent these months will affect our psyche for years to come.
Fretting about a fuzzy future can induce stress. A healthier approach involves making the most of each day and, while prudently planning for better times ahead, not dwelling on potential worst-case scenarios or pretending to know what will unfold for the rest of 2020.
Some people are waking up in the middle of the night thinking, “What if this happens?” For them, a restful sleep becomes almost impossible.
Given the lack of clarity on when our lives will return to normal, it makes sense to shift attention from the medium term (i.e., the coming months) to either the immediate future or the years ahead. So use this time to establish goals for the next few days (“I’m going to vacuum three rooms of the house”) or for the mid 2020s.
“Set short-term goals for this weekend that you’ll feel good about accomplishing or focus on the distant future and decide what you’ll do over the next one, two or five years of your life,” Aldao said.
It’s easier to grapple with uncertainty when you can maintain as much of a daily routine as possible. The comforting rhythms of your day can produce a calming effect.
“Humans strive for balance,” said Michael Southam-Gerow, a professor of psychology at Virginia Commonwealth University in Richmond, Va. “One way to do that is to build predictability and controllability into our lives.”
Sticking to a somewhat regular schedule can prove relaxing, he says. Knowing what time of day you will exercise, attend an online class or volunteer at a local social services agency provides some structure to fight off bouts of uncertainty.
And here’s another way to beat back uncertainty in a stay-at-home world: treat it as a test of your creativity.
“People who are more change-oriented, who have cognitive flexibility, are better able to handle uncertainty,” Southam-Gerow said. “By adapting when things are shifting around, a person who sees opportunities to do things” comes out ahead.
He suggests asking yourself, “What are some opportunities now that I’m staying at home?” Answers might include painting a hallway, learning a musical instrument or planting a garden.
“You want to dive into a place of calmness versus ‘Oh my gosh, I don’t know what’s happening,’” he said. “Focus on what you can do next and what you can control, even if it’s a relatively small set of things.”
